My Old Man

In recent months, I have realised how much I am becoming like my Dad. This is by no stretch of the imagination a bad thing. I think my Dad is a really cool guy. And he’s nice too. A genuinely good bloke in every way.

I have always looked a lot like my Dad, even when I was little “the double of your Dad” was something I heard a lot. Again, this is not an insult. My Dad is not unattractive and he’s definitely not ugly.

When I was little, I used to mock his music taste. Anything my Dad liked was uncool. Now, I’m not going to say that we have identical music tastes even now: he hates Guns n’ Roses, I love them; he doesn’t like the Smiths, I think Morrissey is a god; he thinks the Beatles were hyped up too much, I don’t think there have been better musical partnerships than Lennon McCartney ever, before or after the Beatles. However, I have found myself liking a lot of things he does: Paul Weller, The Jam, Northern Soul, Oasis, The Who, The Small Faces, The Beautiful South e.t.c. e.t.c.

Amongst my friends, I am seen as the calm mediator. The one who tends to sort other people’s shit out. And whilst I don't know if my Dad is like that with his friends, he is certainly the one in the house who does so. My Dad never shouts at me or my sister, and he rarely tells us off (much to my poor Mam’s dismay).

I know this might be a bit of a stupid blog post to make. Like, Ben, what are you trying to say? That you’re like your Dad? Well yes, but genetics? And you grew up with him as your male role model? Well, yes, but I’d like to know what that means in terms of being transgender.

My gender identity has been pretty clear to me for the past couple of years, but never did I intentionally look up to my Dad and think “I must copy you because I am your son”. I didn’t ever think to do that, but do cisgendered men do that either? Or is it just instinct?

And it is even a gender thing at all? If I wasn’t trans, if I was a cisgendered female, would I still have these characteristics from my Dad, or would I have more of my Mam’s (this is not to say that I don’t have some of my Mam’s characteristics, because I do).

All I know is that since knowing about my gender, I have become more and more like my good old Dad, and I can feel myself getting even more like him the more I get older.

So is this because I now identify as male?

Or is it just something that would have happened anyway?

I’d love to know what other people think about this.

Love,
Benjamin x